Sonic the Hedgehog's Original Design Was Better

Sonic the Hedgehog is not a particularly good movie. It's not particularly bad either. It's a movie that exists wholly in the between land known as mediocrity. Jim Carrey, James Marsden, and Ben Schwartz give good enough performances to keep the viewer's interest. The references to Sonic's past are fun and clever. Unfortunately, the pop culture references are generally not funny and will soon be outdated and not funny. The CGI is not well integrated with the real world. Oh, and Sonic's original design was better.


By now, everyone reading this is probably aware of the backlash this movie faced upon the release of it’s initial trailer. The short version is that The Internet™ did not like Swol Athletic Sonic (Or his teeth). This caused Paramount to delay the movie three months to February so they had time to redesign Sonic and put him in the movie. And it was maybe the worst creative choice made during the production, except maybe the decision to make Sonic do the floss. Twice.

Now, I’m not going to argue Swol Sonic is an objectively better design (As objective as art can be, anyway). I don’t believe it is. What I do believe is that it was the perfect design for this movie and this incarnation of the Blue Blur. And the final design is the one thing preventing Sonic the Hedgehog from being a truly memorable film. Because that version is too cartoony. He doesn’t fit the aesthetic of this movie at all. In fact, he makes you keenly aware of all the other design choices. That owl in the opening sequence? It looks like a Dwayne Johnson-sized owl. Not a big cartoony owl, just a big owl. The same can be said of Robotnik's robots. These aren’t the Egg Pawns or E-123 Omega. They look like they were designed by Apple. And yet, the protagonist looks like a cartoon.

Swol Sonic is just that: Swol, in a human way. His legs look like that of an Olympic athlete. As do his arms. He has human child sized feet, something that makes a certain plot point make way more sense. Sure, he’s got a big, disproportionate head, but so did I as a 10 year old (Or however old he’s supposed to be). The fact that he develops a pseudo-father-son relationship with James Marsden's character makes his childlike size make even more sense. The pieces fit so perfectly and The Internet ™ didn’t know it because it hadn’t seen the movie. Almost like there was a reason for that design.

Sonic the Hedgehog had a chance to be a truly memorable film. It could have been a beautiful train wreck. It could have become a cult classic famous for it’s flaws but loved by a generation of impressionable 10 year olds. It could have been their Shrek. Sonic’s weird human teeth and thicc thighs could have saved it. Instead, Sonic the Hedgehog will probably be completely forgotten in two months. Until the inevitable sequel, of course.